Never Give Up

It crossed my mind in the past few weeks to just say, "fuck this" Again AI got bombarded with, it seemed like, everyone wanting to make sure I didn't have a dime left in my pocket. From court fines, parking tickets, old boss, and the great State of California withholding money meant for me which I earned but somehow is lost right now in the red tape beauracracy of government. So after the elation of completing parole successfully, I found myself living by the skin of my teeth. In the past that would have been an excuse to go out and get loaded from all of the stress that was coming down on me.

My self esteem sank lower each day because I didn't have a place to call home. I slept either at work in a bed provided for bakers who have to work hours after putting in an 8 hour shift. I slept in the van when the bed was being used, and I slept at a co workers every now and then. I got a gym membership to get in shape but also because it would provide me with a locker and a shower each day. But I was determined.

I knew that things would turn out better for me as long as I stuck to this uncomfortable plan. And things are looking better each day.

First of all, my boss changed my route and asked me to work 7 days a week for him just for a month or as soon as he could get someone to train on my route to work one day a week. So my hours are way up. Since living in this cowboy manner, I have been living on the bare necessities. The dollar store became my favorite shopping indulgence along with The Salvation Army and Goodwill for clothing. Not much clothing because I can't lug around too much property.

Little by little things are getting better. The light is very bright at the end of the dark tunnel I just went through. I figured that within a couple of weeks I would get a hotel room and save for about a month in order to get an apt. in SOMA that helps people who make under 35,000 a year. But, something incredible happened that I won't mention out of respect and confidentiality. Someone close in my life decided to speed up my progress a bit and helped me get out of this jam much quicker than I anticipated. I am forever grateful to this person and has made my list of Saints.

Also, on the family front, my sister and I have become very close with calls every few days which elates me because She is so inspirational and is always rooting for me to keep up the good fight. Mom and Jimmy just took a mini vacating on a small island off the coast of Florida and I am glad they got to rest a bit because they work so hard.

Oh, and my Aunt Cindy visited SF with my Uncle Brendan. We had lunch together and got to catch up on what's been going on in our lives since we last really talked to each other which was over 25 years ago. And what was great, was we talked as if we never suffered all of those years of separation. I wanted to talk with them more but they had to go to Lake Tahoe. I hope they are having fun and hit the million dollar jackpot. It was just such a wonderful reunion.

I love my family so much, and really regret all of those years I wasted in my haze of drug and alcohol abuse. I am so glad I am a part of the family again.

So, on the apt deal, I am looking at three places today, and they all sounded pretty good on Craigslist. Wish me the best. Oh yeah, I love you Stacey. And you too,
Stacey #1



I love these lyrics

New Order-True Faith
Until next time


I feel so extraordinary
Somethings got a hold on me
I get this feeling Im in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
I dont care cause Im not there
And I dont care if Im here tomorrow
Again and again Ive taken too much
Of the things that cost you too much
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

When I was a very small boy,
Very small boys talked to me
Now that weve grown up together
Theyre afraid of what they see
Thats the price that we all pay
Our valued destiny comes to nothing
I cant tell you where were going
I guess there was just no way of knowing
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

I feel so extraordinary
Somethings got a hold on me
I get this feeling Im in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
The chances are weve gone too far
You took my time and you took my money
Now I fear youve left me standing
In a world thats so demanding
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

I Feel the Burn

I joined a gym. A gym donated by the widow of McDonalds tycoon Kroc. It's run by the Salvation Army and it is on a block in the city's Tenderloin neighborhood. It's the greatest gym ever built. All brand new state of the art equipment, pool, game room with ping pong and pool tables and pinball machines. It has a computer lab with 40 computers donated by Hewlet Packard. It has a gym with basketball courts, and a climbing thing on the wall. Sadly, it isn't used by many people because of the hood. And many residents of the hood would rather spend the $20 a month fee on other things.

I love it. I did my first gym workout today. I rode on a bike machine for 30 minutes, worked on nautilus equipment that helped my legs, thighs, glutes, and ankles. Then I worked on my arms and they are so sore I can't lift them over my shoulders. I then tried the treadmill;l which I lasted about 15 minutes on before nausea set in. Excellent start to what may become a daily routine for me.

Now, I'm still going through some tough times but I am doing great. I feel the best I've felt in many many years. And things will be getting better each day as long as I stay focused on improving my life. I attend a meeting just about every weekday which is helping me remember where I came from and where I could be with one dumb decision.

Ok Patty, I know last time I did something regally great for someone, you mentioned to me to be silent about it and watch what happens. I can't let this one inside me.

On Saturday, I got a call from my girlfriend who explained a situation to me in which her friends daughter had run away and was seen on Haight St. in SF that morning. she sent me a picture of her and gave me the father of the girl's phone number. I spoke with him and told him I was riding up and down the AHaight but there weren't many of the usual runaway gutter punks that usually hang out in front of certain stores. But, I remembered there were having a bi monthly event, down at the Bill Graham Auditorium called Homeless Connect. It's a great event which steers homeless people to the services they might need. From medical, housing, employment, clothing, food, hygiene, legal help, even bus tickets for them to leave town.

I told the father that she would probably be desperate for some new clothes and food and he should park himself right at the entrance and he might find her. He had no idea this event was happening and his plan was to stay up on Haight St. and Hippie Hill in Golden Gate Park all day. So he thanked me and gave me some info on what I should do if I ran across her. He said that since she had been reported as missing, I could tackle her and hold her until the police arrived/ I didn't like the sound of that. So I told him I would call him and then the police while following her. That way a crowd of onlookers wouldn't beat the crap out of me by mistaking me for some kind of pedophile.

I looked for her all day but didn't see her and felt bad for all of them. But on Sunday morning I got a call on my voicemail. It was the father. He expressed his gratitude to me and said they probably wouldn't have found her if I hadn't told him about Project Homeless Connect. He said he saw her at noon out front, and he got her. He said it was just in the nick of time because she was about to go on one of those buses with other hippies and travel around the country. There's a name for this type of adventure, but I don't recall what it is. I would call it, Got Lice?

He said she might have been gone for months or even years if they hadn't found her. She's only 14 and the thought of some jerk turning her on to some drugs made my stomach turn. I am just happy to be a part of something that helped a family. For now, they won't have to be heartsick or in constant wonder where their daughter is. That call from the dad gave me chills and a euphoria that no drug could compete with.

My new motto is "How Can I Help"

Art- Pink Angels Willem de Kooning

The Runaways- Heartbeat

One week down, One more to go

since my detainment last week a number of things have happened that have hindered my progress but also shown me how much I am loved and being rooted to succeed.

Money I was expecting from my parole savings has been lost. Not lost forever but sort of lost in the bureaucratic red tape of Sacramento. This money was supposed to help me move into a place of my own once leaving the parolee house. which in turn has left me like the state of California. My bank account has dried up, my credit is maxed out, and I am practically living as a homeless person until my next paycheck.

A few people have really helped me out during this ordeal. Mainly, my mom, girlfriend, bosses, and a co worker. Because of my plight, I have to sleep either in my delivery van or at the baker's bed located inside the business I work in. Tough times don't last but tough people do. I could easily go back to my old ways and pick up several hindered dollars to get me through until my next pay or when my Sacramento check arrives but my mind is in a very different place. so, I have to be a bit uncomfortable for a few weeks. When I went to jail, my belongings disappeared. everything except the laptop and ipod which I pawned in order to pay off any fine I could in order to stay out of jail for the weekend. It worked.

I would just really like to thank mom, my girlfriend, my bosses, the hippy, and all of the support I have received through personal messages and facebook comments. Surprisingly, using drugs in order to ease the stress and low self esteem I feel right now hasn't entered my mind. hallelujah!! This ordeal will be over shortly and I am experiencing what thousands of people throughout the country are going through now. Thank you so much, you can never imagine how much this has boosted mu spirit and reminds me of the long way I have come.

I am still in a great state of joy over being off of parole, and I no longer have one foot in and one foot out of the doors of prison.

I had a great weekend traveling to Half Moon Bay and watching the Sea Lions on the Beach. Very relaxing, and I spent it with someone I care a great deal about, although she is probably not feeling as strong as she did for me a few weeks ago. I can't blame her.

so, I will struggle and suffer a bit more for a short while but after that, look out world. I might be the next Trump but more likable and less greedy.

Te ride still continues and I am enjoying it. ( Even the tough parts
) which will be posted soon.

Until then

My next post will deal with the difficulties I am having dealing with relationships without the use of drugs or alcohol which is all ne territory for me. One statement made in my direction bothered me stating that I might be incapable of being flexible and open to change. If they could only see the changes made over the last 11 years. Unbelievable how sensitive my body has become. I am sure if you have been an addict like me in the past you know exactly what I am talking about because I spoke with someone about this subject. Same exact difficulties were experienced by this person. Hmmmm. I'll have to do some research on this. Anyway, Life is great. and it's going to be even greater. Love, Peace, Harmoney, and un derstanding.

The Decemberists-The Wanting Comes in Waves

No More Parole!!!!!!!!!

What a week. I was misinformed by my PO that I had a parole hold and a traffic warrant which needed to be taken care of. I turned myself in and paid the fines owed for traffic. When I asked about the parole hold the officers told me they didn't have any indication that I was on parole. so they let me free.

I went back to the parole office and thought this must be a big mistake. After signing in the women at the window called me over and gave me a card. The card stated, "Frankiecon had successfully completed parole. My officer must be a scatterbrain. So, for the first time since 1996 I am not in jail, prison, on court probation, felony probation. I am F*cking free!!!!!

I am so happy, although there were a lot of bad things that went along with that since I thought I might be in jail for a few weeks. I prepared but lost all of my clothing, housing, and even my phone. But I still have my job and I will be able to manage to put things together in a couple of weeks. I am so happy.

76% of parolees return before a year is up. I beat those odds by two years and am going to have the greatest life AI could ever imagine. I have a great girlfriend and as long as I stay away from drugs and alcohol. I'll be Great.

I'll still be continuing my blog but without the weight of my parolee status.
God bless you all for being here right along with me throughout. Will right more when I can.

Im pumped and so is Neil
<

I Really Can't Say

There have been tons of things going on in my life in which I would love to write about, but out of respect for others it will have to wait.

One thing for sure is I am definitely moving out of here. The last straw was a petty complaint from my roommate concerning the use of his coffee. I helped myself to a cup which he always told me I could do if I was ever out. In the past I have bought him jars of Folgers, coffeemate jars of creamer, cups, bleach, and air freshener. I never asked him for a dime to pay me back. I have taught him how to use a computer with 1000s of answers so he could do his homework, and generally have never asked anything from him.

After helping myself to the coffee, he confronted me the next day and said I should buy a brand new jar because I used his. I reminded him of the countless times I got coffee and creamer for him and his offer of helping myself but I was met with a blank stare. Like he didn't remember any of that. I told him I would not buy him any coffee because basically I paid for that in the past. Over and done with right?

No, he brought it up to me again today. I told him that I was moving from this room this weekend and now he's going to realize how great he had it but screwed it up with either trying to swindle me or just plain craziness. He is a very hard person to live with, and the staff here knows it. They don't like him, and not many other people do. Sorry about the petty rant but this guy is driving me nuts yet again.

Big news. My friend Stretch and I may go in on a One Bedroom Apt. with me taking the living room. We are awaiting the OK from each of our Parole Officers. I told him that I would only be staying there on a temporary basis and he said that would be alright with him. I might be out of here next week. This neighborhood, the people here, the staff, and my nutty roommate have all driven me to the point where my eye is twitching. When I leave or return from the facility, I am patted down for weapons and asked to blow into an alcohol meter. I have to make out a 24 hour in advance pass request if I have an appointment or when I want to go the library. Weekend Passes have to be approved. One time they denied me a pass to Golden Gate Park because there is one part of the park where people smoke weed. Time for me to go. And if the situation with Stretch doesn't work out I will get my own place, even if it's a residential hotel like the one I lived in last year at this time. I've had enough!

Some other things are bothering me which I can't discuss here because I do not want to discuss someone else's business. Just aint right.

Thanks again Babz, Lou, Patty, Stagnant Artist, and Gail who always give me kind words and inspiration. I am on Facebook a lot so you can find me there. Hopefully soon I can write about some of the wonderful things that are happening in my life.

Until Then


Art-The Arsenal Frida Kahlo Distributes Arms


Kings of Leon-California Waiting

Top of the World, Ma

Remember back in September when our banking system just about collapsed that one week. When Bear Stearns or some other financial crap was given away for practically nothing to some other stronger financial place. Well, coincidentally, that's when my financial situation did just about the same thing. I lost my job, I had just paid off huge fines and restitution fees earlier in the summer and things were pretty bleak for awhile. I got that one job which I quit after only a week because I just could not work with my co worker but luckily got the job I have now quickly afterwards.

Problem was it was only part time for awhile and I was still paying off bills and just keeping my head above water. Last year at this time, in May, I actually thought I would never ever really have to worry about money again. I had saved a tremendous amount (for me) and just couldn't see what was up ahead for me.

I have finally turned the corner on all of that. I am working full time now. Actually, much more than full time as each week goes by. I am the go to guy now at my place of employment. If something extra needs to be done, they call me.

Today for instance, I noticed some inventory had to be delivered to Yountvillle, CA. Now, just yesterday, after I finished my normal route, my boss asked me to take 2 orders. One to Berkely and one to Yountville. Of course I did it. So when I saw the order for Yountville today, I told the other boss that I had just delivered that order yesterday. He said that it must be a mistake and told me not to worry about it and go home. I was about to enter my building when I got a phone call from my boss. He said, "Uh, er Frank? That order you told me about earlier is a new one and it has to be delivered today." I told him I would be there as fast as the bus could get me back . So, in the last two days I have put almost 24 hours in. Tomorrow I have OT too because I have to deliver 160 boxes to a warehouse in Hayward.

Anyway the point is, I am going into banking mode again. And it won't be long before I'll be as secure as I was last May.

This Sunday is Mother's Day and again it felt great to be able to send my mom a card and a little cash for lunch or something. I missed at least 10 Mother's Days when I was out of my mind on drugs. That's a lot of Mother's Days. She called me this morning and told me that I shouldn't have sent her money and that I might need it more. Mom, I know you read this so let me tell you that putting that money in that envelope was probably the best feeling I had all week. OK? I just want you to have a nice Mother's day and wish I could spend the day with you. But, it's looking pretty good that I will be able to spend next years holiday with you. I love you mom.

Ok, I'm puddling up a little so I'll change the subject. My friend and fellow blogger Stagnant Artist new piece can be found by clicking this right here.

I wanted to write a bunch more but I've already said too much.

Until next time


Art- See above!

I love this song, too!

T Rex-Ride a White Swan

Strange Days Indeed

Firat of all, the picture on the left is Stagnant Artist's latest finished work of art. A Sculpture that she finished after two years. Pretty cool, huh?

Life is Silly. I deserve a quiet night. I haven't posted all week because not much happened. I did bump into a car as I was backing out of a parking lot underneath the Golden Gate Bridge.

About 40 women participate in a boot camp like workout and I maneuvered to the left as I was backing out trying to avoid the lunging ladies who were in back of me. I bonked the van into a small Ford. I heard a gasp come from the crowd and at first thought I hit one of them. When I got out I checked the Ford and saw the dent. From down the lot we a saw a figure running full sprint towards us. One of the woman clucked, "uh oh." It was the owner of the car who also happened to be the leader of the boot camp. I was ready to get chewed out like Gomer Pyle. She said it was her car and looked over the damage and said she would take down my information but probably wouldn't go through the whole insurance process and would have her mechanic bang the dent out for her. Whewww! I told my boss what happened and instead of giving me a hard time, he sort of ignored me and said, that's why we have insurance. I was worried a little but there was nothing to worry about, like most things.

I've just been working hard and making plans. Next month I should find out if I am going to be discharged from parole. Also there have been so many articles about eliminating parole for non violent offenders but they need a panel or group to go over each case to see who is least likely to re offend which sounds like that process could take some time. So let's all hope for next month.
Things have been much better here at the parolee house. I'm seldom home when my roommate is here and visa versa.

One last thing, I was walking to my bus stop one night this week when I saw a guy from the program I went to when I was released from prison. While at the program he got the counselors all worked up because he told them that he had seen me on 7th st. and thought I was getting high. They tested me and I came up negative and I have always wondered why he did that to me. It wasn't to help me, I know that for sure. I think he wanted my room or something. So as I am walking towards him his eyes shot down to his feet and he kinda froze. As I walked past him, I was about to say hi when I stopped myself. He was grimy from head to toe and what I had interrupted was him digging through a trash can. He just stood there and I walked past not saying a word because I know he must have felt embarrassed. At first I said to myself, good, that'll show him for lying about me but as I write this I genuinely wish him well because we are both in the same boat, he just dropped his paddle for now.

Next time

Art-Wassily Kandinsky, Composition VII


Poison Moon-Elvis Costello


Cut loose in a nightmare, cast off in my dreams
If home is anywhere that I can hang my hat
Then it's coming apart at the seams
My luck is hanging upside down
I try to hold on tight
But money's rolling out of town
And love slips right out of sight

And these bones, they don't look so good to me
Jokers talk and they all disagree
One day soon, I will laugh right in the face of the poison moon

You look in the mirror
I'm sorry, but it can't be replaced
You're thrown straight out in that cruel parade
Buttoned down and laced
It starts like fascination, it ends up like a trance
You've gotta use your imagination on some of that magazine romance

And these bones--they don't look so good to me
Jokers talk and they all disagree
One day soon, I will laugh right in the face of the poison moon
One day soon, I will laugh right in the face of the poison moon

And Yet Again

Humiliation was the theme of the weekend for me.





On Saturday morning I had to pass through the suburban town of San Carlos. I am driving a van that is brightly painted with our stores logo and rainbows and bagels, so you can't confuse this vehicle as a Bagel delivery van. Unless your a moron.





I'm driving along El Camino Real (The road of Kings) when I hear the siren and see flashing lights from behind me. I pull over, and give the female officer a smile and say whats up? She said she pulled me over for registration issue. it hasnt been renewed according to the tag on my plate.


She also said the brakelight was broken. I gave her my license, old registration and insurance.





As I am sitting there, another police car pulls up and i see the new cop on the scene who is also a female get out of her car and gets in sort of a swat tactic team stance and is looking at me from the passenger side of my van. A minute later the 1st officer reaches my window and tells me to step out of the vehicle. I ask, is something wrong? She says, you didn't tell me you were on parole. I told her that whenever I am pulled over that is usually the officers job to ask and I tell them that I am. She takes me onto the sidewalk by my arm, with a certain amount of aggressive pressure and tells me to turn around and put my hands on my head.





Oh no, I thought. That usually means I am going to be cuffed. But then she asked if I had anything sharp on me. I said no. She had these rubber gloves on me and her one hand got stuck between my hair and interlocked fingers and her rubber glove. She's pulling my hair as she tries to free her hand from my head and finally just yanks and pulls out strands of hair. Hey lady, I really am getting old and each hair up there is very important to me, i wanted to scream.





she went about searching me. When my legs weren't far enough apart she kicked my ankles to spread them more. She was having a good time roughing me up while passengers drove by on the busiest street in San Mateo county craned their necks to see what's goin on.





she finds nothing, she asks me what's in the van. I say bagels. She said, "Bagels aren't illegal." I wanted to tell her well you are sure treating me like they are. Now, she tells me to sit on the curb and while i am sitting the other cop decides to trade banter with me in her trying-as-hard-as-she-possible-can tough gal controlling cop routine. she asks me what i am on parole for, I told her shoplifting. I saw the energy level drop down a few notches. It seemed she wanted someone who was a bank robber or child killer.





Meanwhile the three remaining orders I have in the van are purposely dumped all over the back floor and I can see her acting like she lost a contact lens while late to a shooting range. She's throwing things all over. That's when I dropped my head into my hands and an overwhelming sadness just washed over me.





Usually when I am pulled over, the officer sees that I am working, and am not a threat to the community. I am doing the right thing and they tell me to keep up the good work without hassling me. I'm one in a bunch that is actually doing my parole very well.





After she is done, she makes me sign two tickets and as I am told I can go now she shouts out in a sinister way, "Have a nice day." I don't even give her the satisfaction of looking back. I get in my van and drive.





I enter the freeway and within 2 minutes, I see sirenlights and hear a cop barking orders to me in the way he wants me to pull over. He comes up to my window, and I tell him, while holding up my ticket, license registration, and insurance card , "I just got this from the San Carlos Police not 5 minutes ago with the whole search and seizure thing. I am on parole and if you would like we can do this all over again."





He just took my license and came back within minutes and told me he can't predict what just happened to me and to go home and get that stuff taken care of. He was alright.





I called my boss and told him what happened and he felt bad about me having to go through all of that so he said he would rent a van until we get the other van straightened out. I tell him he doesn't have to do that and the registration is 6 months overdue and the chances of being pulled over were slim, he insisted on me not going through that crap again. So I had a rental the next Sat night/Sun morning. I have two great bosses.





All of this must have drained me plus the 5 to 6 hours of sleep I was getting all week. I slept from 4pm Sun. to 6 am Monday. That's 14 hours. I did wake up a few times after about 8 and my body told me to lay back down. I needed that I guess. I feel like a zilllion bucks today.











Today is my stepdad"s birthday. Happy Birthday Jimmy, I love you.

Please read my favorite blogger's new post. it's right here. When you're finished you will know why she is my virtual sponsor. Her name is Babz. And she's always on my sidebar, too.

Until next time

Art-the Terracotta Army

Police and Thieves-Junior Marvin

Herosuper

It's about 4:40 am. And I am at my least favorite delivery address. It's on the corner of Larkin and Ellis. Not as bad as a crack corner as Ellis and Jones at this hour, but still pretty bad. It's the same place where the one guy who tried to rip off my laptop while I was in the place of delivery got a big surprise from skinny old me.

As I am carrying the three bags of bagels into the Hostel I hear a guy yelling at the top of his lungs. I looked over and saw he was yelling at a lady who must have weighed 85 lbs. I went in and was out in less then a minute when I saw the guy back handing her across the face and punching her in the shoulder and chest area. I looked around and there were a bunch of on lookers; gang banger wanna be's. They were laughing and pointing and urging the dude on.

I ran over there with my cell phone in my hand, pretending I was calling 911 and told the guy to knock it off. He did and as soon as she was able, she took off running. He gave me a hard stare but then ran after her all the while picking up trash off the street and throwing it at her. She got to a car and circled it as the guy tried to catch her.

I told the guy the police are on their way but this only momentarily stopped him. I got near the girl and told her in a low voice that I was going to my van and if she needed help, I told her to run as fast as she could and jump in the passenger seat.

I left and got in my van and within 10 seconds she climbed in and screamed at me, "GO GO GO"

I took off and saw the guy running but he gave up. She told me that was her boyfriend. She then showed me her lip which he had punched the night before. Man was it swollen. I drove her a safe distance away from that corner and told her that I had to finish my route and that she should be alright for awhile. She had a grocery bag with her and she begged me for a dollar so she could get some milk so she could eat the cereal that was in the bag. I complied and gave her the rest of my Odwalla and a couple of bagels. She thanked me and thanked me and thanked me.

I just can't stand creeps who hit women. No matter what she did or what he thought she did, he could have resolved the conflict without resorting to physical violence. As I drove off she waved to me with a big smile. She was grateful. She was about to be pummeled and out of nowhere a stranger came to her rescue and now she could eat her cereal in peace.

I felt like a hero. It made me feel good. Someone told me that I should have just decked the guy, but that is one crazy corner and who knows what weapons he might have been carrying. All I had was a cell phone. Plus it was much more exciting high tailing out of their, saving a woman and feeling like I was in a old Kurt Russel movie.

Peace

Until Next time


ART-Free Documentaries.org

The Gossip-Standing in the Way of Control

Ham

I can't help it, I am a camera hog. Dude on my right looks like he wants to punch my lights out. I did my monthly volunteer work to help beautify ugly parts of SF. Unfortunately, this particular clean up was at a High School that specializes in art, and there wasn't that much beautifying to do. These kids keep the place very clean and I was happy to see all of their works on display outside in their courtyard. We basically picked up discarded trash thrown from car windows that passed by. I will never throw trash outside my window again. I'll wait until I get to a trash can. Pretty lazy of us. How can a little bit of garbage bother us so much to make us throw it out the window? Anyway, I spoke with my old parole officer during the entire time. He gave me nothing but praise as far as my parole behavior is concerned. He's a cool guy, who loves to give advice, and when he does he uses the us and we statements instead of "You have to set goals for yourself and achieve them............." He said he believes I will be off parole in June.

Speaking of parole, I listened to a radio interview with the former warden at San Quentin who now is the director of some high post in the Corrections dept. She said she is totally against having non violent parolees on parole after they finish their sentence. Only 2 states do this and it only keeps our prison population up because of minor violations by non violent offenders. Other states that so not have this policy, do not have more crime. They have more money to spend on schools and public works projects. she pointed out how each parole agent has an overloaded caseload. She said that if we eliminated parole for non violent offenders, these agents could concentrate on the parolees who need supervision, The violent and serious offenders. The 5 officers who were shot a few weeks ago by a violent offender on parole might be alive and well today if more resources were put into helping and watching these guys. Instead, agents half to spend most of their days riding around on patrol looking for a guy who missed an appointment and have to arrest them for the parole warrant that went out for them.


OK enough of that.

I was in a major funk when I woke up Sat. night to go to work. My jovial spirit was in the dumper and my co workers noticed because they were looking at me wide eyed and nervous because of the rotten expression I was wearing on my face. It was going to be a long night filled with crappy thoughts and self pity.

On my third top, an older woman was watching me load the order into a cafe. It took me about 5 minutes because it was a big order. When I had finished, AI noticed she was still staring at me in a nervous way. so I walked 10 feet up to her and asked if there was anything wrong. She told me she had missed the bus and was stranded outside all night because of a fight with her roommate. She said she was going to ride the buses all night until the morning when she could go home while he was gone. She asked me for a ride to a busier part of town where she could get on a bus. We were in a very deserted part of the city at 2 in the morning. I said OK, but you better not stab me.

When we reached my next delivery, I asked her if she really wanted to ride the buses all night and she was welcome to ride with me all night until 9 in the morning. I explained I was driving to Berekley, Oakland, San Jose, Saratoga, Redwood City and Millbrae, and then back to SF. She thought for a moment and said OK. I said, "listen, I am not going to hurt you, I just think you might need a little help." She said, "I read people very well and I already know that"

Along the route we talked and talked and talked. My6 problems, her problems, politics, film, you name it. She gave me such great advice to what had been bothering me since I woke up, and much more on different subjects. I fed her, Gave her her favorite juice, Odwalla Superfood, and then when I saw she was desperately trying to stay awake when the sun was coming up, I tilted he seat back and told her to take a nap. she was out cold in a matter of seconds.

I have a heavy heart whenever I see an older woman who is in trouble. Whether there bag ladies, homeless, panhandlers it just breaks my heart. I always try to give them a little something to help ease whatever burden they might be facing. But I had never done anything like this.

We got back to the city at 9 and i dropped her off at her favorite cafe on Leavenworth St and we thanked each other for the kindness. She was definitely sent to me by god. She was one of my guardian angels because without her who knows how I might have reacted to being in such a foul mood. Here's a picture of her on the bottom and if I ever see her again, I'm going to take her out for lunch or coffee. And more thearpy!

Until next time

Art-van Gogh a hero, AI love his story

Angel-Sarah Mclaughlin